filling in silence
One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are. — Sophia Dembling
Growing up even to this day, this very much strikes a chord within me. As a child I’ve always been very quiet. Not just quiet, but also very reserved, shy, and hard to read. It’s not that I didn’t want to interact with people or make friends, on the contrary I wanted to make friends very much. Naturally I just had difficult showing my personality and being comfortable with who I am in front of others and it really took time to ‘scratch’ at my shell to get to my inside, but I’m forever thankful for those few who did their best and was patient with me.
This aspect of my personality was a trait I despised; why couldn’t I be more social? Why couldn’t I relax and let people in? Well, faster. Why did it have to take so long to let my defences down? I don’t know, but at least I know this trait has allowed me to meet truly good friends. Quality right? I’ve met many people throughout my life that I wanted to know, to understand as well as be understood, and well- just to have a relationship with. Maybe because of my personality, many potential friends have slipped past my yearning fingers, and sometimes I still wonder what could have been.
I don’t have an answer, but I wish I did. I’ve continuously, and consciously tried to gradually and slowly open myself quicker. It seems that as time goes by, people also have less time to read or even get to know each other’s stories. To those who have a captivating and interesting beginning, that is able to draw readers in so quickly and keep them until the end, I’m so jealous! If only I had the same ability to captivate someone until the end, without boring them a few pages into the prologue. “Stuck up, cold, fake, so full of herself, awkward, weird” the list goes on… whether or not it’s unintentional, the words and presumptions people put into your silence may never be true to who we are, but as long as we are true to who we are, then those who do take the time to know you will know the truth.
Isn’t that all we could ask for? For the people who mean the most to us, to know us?
I certainly think so.
Bienvenue! My name is Bettina, aka Awkventurer and this is my online home of not only travel advice and adventures; but also as a place for me to share my thoughts and experiences with others in the hopes of inspiring and sparking some daily motivation and positivity in your life.